This week’s episode was plain weird (as I’m sure they all might be) so let’s get right to it:
ONE-ON-ONE #1: WITH CLAIRE
“Part-Mexican” (sorry. I mean Claire!) got the first one-on-one. Plus a blindfold. He’s romantic. (In real life, though, this might be a tad weird.) He keeps giving Hispanic men a good name.
“He smells like heaven in a bottle.”
Holy cow, really, Claire?! :/
Ugh snow. Even though that’s fake snow, I’m already sick of it. (Wonder if I’ll ever miss it when I move to a place without snow..) Plenty of touching there! (Though too much for a first date.) Lucky.
Lucy (back at home): Put the damn bikini top on. Gross.
(Back with Juan Pablo and Claire) Note to self: Learn to ice skate.
You know what stinks?! How those notes/cards ALWAYS look like they were written by a girl. Female producer, you ain’t fooling me!
Juan Pablo es sexy!! But a six pack he doesn’t have. JK it doesn’t always take a six/eight pack to get my attention. Moving on… Juan Pablo in a hot tub!
Massage + talk about her sweet dad (RIP). OK let’s move things along, shall we??
One of these days I’ll be able to rock an effin bikini.
Gah that’s such an intimate position! I hate how they don’t save that til later. But then again, this IS The Bachelor and she needs to sell the goods ASAP right?
Woo rose + make out sessions + private concert. However, I couldn’t see how well he kisses. Lame.
Trust me, Hun. You might feel like your dad is “there” but I have a feeling he would NOT want his little girl to be one of over a dozen chicks some dude gets to tell he “loves.”
ONE-ON-ONE WITH KAT
HOW THE EFF DID I MISS THE ELECTRIC RUN GOING ON JUST A SEMI SHORT DRIVE FROM MY HOUSE????!!!!! (See that’s how much of a homebody I am.) Not my kind of date, anyways.
Another date card back at the house. Meh. (All but 3 girls were invited.) At least Renee, my fave, got invited!
Holy mother of goodness that date, the screams, the crowd of “thousands of people”–all that looks BORING AS HELL.
GROUP DATE: “SEXY PHOTO SHOOT” FOR A GOOD CAUSE
Kelly did look like an alien. Wtf. Also what’s up with the “nude” inexistent “outfits” (under the pretense that what they’re NOT wearing would be for a good cause??) Damn you, producers!!
At least Elise switched with Fire Hydrant Lucy, while the latter was happy she got the chance to walk the dog down the street NAKED.
MOST pics were cute, to be honest. Those dogs were def the stars. Renee and JP look adorable together!
The gentleman that he is, Juan Pablo calmed Andi’s fears by telling her he’ll be in the same situation as her. Damn it, he’s becoming more and more, um, irresistible. Crap.
The resulting pic from this threesome’s (sorry) collaboration was weird (find one of them below) but I hope those dogs were adopted.
GROUP DATE, CONTINUED: NIGHTTIME
Cassandra (the 21 YO who’d be better suited to be Camila’s nanny) had been hiding her 2 YO son til now. (Guess she can be a mommy too?) She nervously told JP about him. He was actually excited! “Babies are the best,” he said.
She feels “really close to him now.” Remember guys, she’s only 21 (her brain isn’t fully developed yet).
Renee and Juan Pablo shared some one-on-one time. He says “this is fun” to EVERY girl he spends alone time with. She fishes for a kiss. Nothing happened. But they still look cute together.
The girls continue to steal JP from each other, as usual.
Victoria’s “a little hammered and crazy” but that’s actually how “fun” she is sober. She wants to “straddle” him.
Ugh thank God for commercial breaks (never thought I’d say that). Time to fast forward!!
Victoria’s in her bikini going around the house acting nuts. JP actually says “Oh poor Victoria.” She then goes to bawl her eyes out because she hasn’t had her one-on-one time. Renee goes to console her; V acts like a biyatch and storms out saying “she’s going home.”
BACK AT THE HOUSE + ROSE CEREMONY
Fast forwarded through most of it, to be honest… (Cassandra cried cuz she missed her son. Renee and JP console her.)
STAYING: Cassandra (21 YO single mom), Nikki (Pediatric nurse and my mom’s fave), Andi (lawyer), Elise (?), Charlene (Opera singer who doesn’t yet feel it), Renee (32 YO single mom and MY FAVE), Danielle (?; she’s the classier of the two African American girls on there), Lucy (the free spirit who’d always rather be naked 24/7), Allison (?), Chelsea (?), Lauren (?), and Christy (?).
(Btw the Q marks represent how memorable [NOT] those ladies have been.]
Did YOU watch this week’s episode? What did you think?? ALSO: Will you want this Sunday’s (AKA The Bachelor Love Stories–about the few successes the show’s had after SEVENTEEN seasons)? I think (OK I know) I will–though I’m not sure I’ll recap it.